Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I need to sanitize my soul.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
