you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
