im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
