; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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