I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
