every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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