Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
