It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
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