my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
