you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
