no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
