dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
