you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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