I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
