i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
