this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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