He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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