Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
