just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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