My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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