Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We had sex on a dog bed..
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
