Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
