What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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