If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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