I want to walk on stilts...naked
He passed out mid-signature
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
