I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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