I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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