I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
