next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
