Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
