Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
