You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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