I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
