I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
