I think i peed on brittanys purse
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
