Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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