Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
