youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
