we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
