you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
