she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
