I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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