On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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