Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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