so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
