You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
