I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
