I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
