Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
