Cold hands, warm shart.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
