Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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