Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
me + whiskey = a bad person
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
