so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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