So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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