Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
