my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
do nipples grow back?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
