I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
