Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
