hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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