i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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