This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
