Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The best revenge is premature balding
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
