I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
