I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
