Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
