So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Randomize