dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
