these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
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