You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
